


Natural-bred killer

by beesp



Series: Where is my mind [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Internal Monologue, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:58:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5811028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beesp/pseuds/beesp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our minds work through language. We speak the same way we think. Names are what makes knowledge possible. Names are what define who and what we are. A name is what woke Bucky up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natural-bred killer

**Author's Note:**

> Update 25.01.2016  
> I should probably stop posting my works at night time, since I never seem to get everything the way I want to. Anyway, I've changed some things around the story. Again, I'm sorry if my language isn't perfect - I'm not a native speaker.  
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy Bucky's journey through his new consciousness. I hope I'll get to write again about Bucky and his new-discovered self, because that's one of my favorite theme in the MCU. I really love Bucky's character and I just ADORE the Russo brothers for how they've decided to develop his storyline.  
> If you want, you can listen to "Leave out all the rest" by Linkin Park and "Keep an eye on him" by Frida Sundemo (since I discovered the latter through [this beautiful Stucky fanvid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrUKX9bopmE), I basically can't stop listening to it).  
> I would also like to point out that Stucky isn't specifically canon in this fan fiction, but whenever I write about them it basically always is. (So I put the "minor James Barnes/Steve Rogers" in the additional tags, it only seems fair).  
> Hope you'll enjoy my "Natural-bred killer" :D.

My name is Bucky.

Steve Rogers repeated it so many times that I can hear his voice screaming it over and over.

I don’t know who I am, but people can call me Bucky.

They’d whisper “the Winter Soldier” when I broke into their houses, when I took their lives.

HYDRA men would simply address me as ‘soldier’.

I don’t know who I am, but if a child were to call “Bucky!”, I would turn and look at him.

Visitors gather around Steve Roger’s life exhibit here at the Smithsonians’, as my memories do in my mind when I see him (it’s strange how they gravitate towards him).

Words didn’t mean anything but death and torture before he cried “Bucky!”. He spelled a charm. Now I’m alive.

I knew I had met him before, because my head instantly stopped being a blank page to fill. He woke up something deep inside me, answering to his call, as if naming someone could actually take them back.

They point at James Barnes’s large face and I gaze at him under my cap. I barely get the similarities that should make us the same person. There’s fifty years worth of killing standing between his eyes and mine. He wasn’t lonely, you can see it in the way he showed people he wasn’t afraid of dying.

I learnt to cry in pain and watch somebody’s light go out from their eyes and feel the crawling touch of ice expanding through my body— while there’s nobody to call. They stole everything, but mostly what it felt to be human. (That’s what I intend by ‘loneliness’, if someone like me does even know how words work).

I don’t remember how food tastes-

how rain and grass feel on my skin-

how my mother smelt like-

I probably have had girlfriends over the years and I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed a smile.

It’s not that the perfect killer doesn’t care; it’s a matter of a weapon. And weapons don’t know.

My name is Bucky.

I used to respond to only defense and attack; my existence revolved around punches and throws and kicks and knives and guns and bullets. Now I hear a voice and I turn around and I listen. That’s the basis of any interaction — that’s what you start to practice on when a “friend” gives you a life back.


End file.
